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Roh.....perasaan |
D,
Last Saturday, the class was held at musollah. Kesian aku, dok sowang-sowang kat sempasan masjid. Pulak tuh, tak dengar suara ustz. Aku jumpa Busu, told her about my plight. Alhamdulillah......she increase the speaker volume, bukak sempadan so that aku dapat nampak ustz. Ustz pun kesian kat aku......sempat lak usik, "haa...dok kat blakang tuh, jgn makan kacang, eh!!!"
Panjang sungguh kisah roh. Belum ada mood nak recap as there's so much to re-read. Had lunch with Kiah, Jeynab, Petom. I felt bad that my experience put Jeynab in pain & sadness. I was quite taken aback she feels what I'm going through although I fight very hard to bury them all. She knows that I know that she knows. And I kow that she knows that I know.....make sense???
Terapi rohani itu memang amat aku perlukan. Alhamdulillah. Rupanya ia mempersiapkan diriku utk terus tabah menghadapi ujian. Betul bak kata Jeynab. Ibaratnya seluruh tubuh ku merengkok "curling up".....words can't describe. Namun aku sering ingatkan diriku, 1 hari di Neraka ibaratnya 70 tahun waktu dunia (lebih kurang begitulah, tak ingat). Jadi aku sering ketakutan...takut yg aku ini munafik, takut segala amalan ku tak diterima Allah, takut jika para ulama', Rasul, Allah tak ingin memandang ku. Aku takut aku dlm kerugian di alam kubur & di akhirat kelak.
Namanya manusia, I still need validation....I don't why.....ternyata aku masih lemah. Masih membiarkan nafsu mengawal ku. Aku ingin keluar dari belenggu ini...mungkinkah death is the only way out? Aku tidak tahu akan kesudahan cerita ku...samada akan mendapat kebahgiaan sejati di alam barzakh & akhirat? Bak kata orang - ditelan mati mak, dibuang mati bapak.
Mana lightbulb moments...?
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posted by pinkiecutepie # 11:10 #
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PINKIE HEARS |
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PINKIE SHARES |
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I'tiraf
Wahai Tuhan
Ku tak layak
Ke SyurgaMu
Namun tak pula
Aku sanggup
Ke NerakaMu
Ampunkan dosaku
Terimalah taubatku
Sesungguhnya
Engkaulah Pengampun
Dosa-dosa besar
Dosa-dosaku
Bagaikan pepasir
Di pantai
Dengan rahmatMu
Ampunkan daku
Oh Tuhanku
Wahai Tuhan
Selamatkan kami ini
Dari segala
Kejahatan & kecelakaan
Kami takut
Kami harap
KepadaMu
Suburkanlah
Cinta kami
Kepada Mu
Kamilah hamba
Yg mengharap
Belas dariMU
Penantian By Harmoni
Berapa lama mesti ku nanti
Sinar cahaya mata mu
Gemerlap bagai bintang
Menghiasi malam
Malam yg menutup diriku
Berapa lama perlu ku tunggu
Lontaran suara dari bibirmu
Memecah hening taman
Taman syurgawi
Pada sebuah hati yg sepi
Penantian suatu siksa
Yg tidak tertanggung
Oleh tubuh ku yg kering & layu
Kepastian suatu penwar
Dlm suka & duka
Yg meniti hidup ku
Doa By Harmoni
Tuhan ku
Dlm termangu
Ku sebut nama Mu
Biar susah sungguh
Mengingat Mu penuh seluruh
Tuhan ku
Cahaya Mu
Panas suci bagai kerdip lilin
Di kelam sunyi
Tuhan ku
Aku hilang bentuk
Kembara di negeri asing
Tuhan ku
Pintu Mu ku ketuk
Aku tak bisa berpaling
Nasyid By Hidayah
Kepada Mu Ilahi
Yg Maha Agung Yg Maha Suci
Ku pohon perlindungan
Dan keampunanMu
Pada setiap sholat
Ku lafazkan doa & pujian
Kukuhkanlah taqwaku & keimanan
Semoga diriku diselamatkan
Dari segala bencana
Limpahilah diriku dgn sinar penuh kemuliaan
Agar tidak digoda syaitan
Yg sungguh durjana peruntuh akhlak
Inilah doa seorang insan
Mohon perlindungan
The Reason
Hoobastank
The Reason
I'm not a perfect person
There are many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
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1 Comments:
Ani, I guess in Jeynab’s case it takes one to know one. Your experiences more or less echo hers in a way and so she can really feel the pain and sadness. I pray that both of you will find true happiness by submitting yourself wholly to Allah. That is the only and best way.
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